Dear Crush

I really really like you
But I don't know why
Also I don't care if you
Don't like me
Because I like me, and you
and nature and counters,
I like pens, the color purple,
Sparkles, and Jesus, french fries,
And mechanical pencils.
I like you
But I'm too busy to hear your opinion.
Good day.

LIGHT

The sun is gone
The stars are leaving
For a while it might be
Darker than I'm used to
Because the sun is still coming
But then it will return
Brighter than ever
Then it will never set

anymore

I don't care anymore
And now I love myself
I see the beauty behind me
And behind nature
And behind people
I can feel Sonder
I feel free
All because I don't care anymore

SALT

My bubble of salt is
just my protection
If I leave it
I feel I'll be a rejection

THOUGHT

Maybe it's okay if no one knows
Because it's the thought that counts.

Purple Period

So that was my blue period. We now move on to my purple period, where I start to recover. It's less depressing.

THE POWER OF GOD

It's only God
who's holding back my hand
from grabbing a knife
and stabbing myself with it.

TIDE

I thought this depression had gone away.
When the tide comes back
it crashes in like a wave.

REALIZATION

Flowers gently reflect the sun
As I pick them one by one
I gather up all of them
Until I realized I killed them

TO SEE BEYOND

What thoughts pass your mind
When you look at me?
Look at my dark Asian eyes
And tell me what you see.
Try to look past my so-called character
With all physical and emotional crack
Tell me who I am
Beyond my crooked back.
Forget my medical conditions
And my seemingly bossy ways,
Who am I to you?
Clear the mental haze.
Can you see who I actually am?
Can you see the real me?
Can anyone see the beauty
lying deep inside me?

ONE DAY

One day everyone will see
the ethereal loveliness
inside of me.

OKAY

Depends on your definition of okay
I'm okay
I'm dying
I'm happy
I'm bored
I'm tired
I'm depressed
I'm excited
I'm stupid
I'm eating
I'm starving
I'm writing
I'm reading
I'm heartbroken
But I'm okay.

BREAK ON THE INSIDE

I'm gonna be
a new kind of fake
So that I act above
my crazy emotions
while I break
on the inside.

YOU

Who are you?
Why do I like and hate you so much?

TO THINK

To think that I tried
So hard
to reach
that place
only to find
that it wasn't
where
I
wanted
to be
To think I tried
So hard
to get
out and
then
realized that
I can't
To think I tried
So hard

NOTHING

I'm so confused
So here's who I believe I am:

DEEP DOWN INSIDE

Deep down inside
There's something within me
Deep down inside
There's something shining, shining
Deep down inside
There's my actual self
Deep down inside
Where no one can see
So no one can see the beauty
Deep down inside
of me.

CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND

I just can't make up my mind.
I'm so heterogeneous
Every time I think I find
An answer, it's the wrong one.
There's one too many of me
In so many different ways
I'm a split-split-split-split-split personality
So I can't make up my mind.

SO-CALLED LOVE

As on a flower rests droplets of dew,
So is my so-called love for you.
As dew can quickly dry away,
My love is not here to stay.
There's a number of reasons, too.
And that is my love for you.
It is not love, as people say,
but rather a liking that lasts for a day.
Dew can stay
but it can also make its way
to another flower
As it has done so, much before this hour.

YOU CAN'T

Stop trying to relate to me.
Because you can't.

FAKE

You like what you know about me?
I'm such a fake.

I SEE WHY

When I look in the mirror, here's what I see:
Two thin, Asian, dark-dark-dark brown eyes
A super-sloppy-tan face of acne
Mouth bending into a weak smile
And in my eyes I see why.

THE ONE YOU BROKE

It once was red,
Beating strong, pumping life,
Never once had it bled.
It once was alive,
Excited, eager, pumping steady,
As full of energy as bees in a beehive.
It once was free,
Smoothly never missing a beat,
Moving quickly, full of glee.
Yet now it's rather faded
into a sort of pink.
Yet now it's dying slowly
like a pen running out of ink.
Yet now it's chained down
ready to crack, ready to never blink.
Do you recognize my heart?
The one you broke?

THINK

What people think about me
doesn't matter
unless it does

PERSONALITY

I'm a split-split-split-split-split-split-split personality.
There's just one too many of me.
There's me ranting
singing
sleeping
eating
dreaming
crying
smiling
filled with different emotions
with different traits
diabolical
sassy
sweet
nice
evil
angry
But which do you think I am?
None
I'm none.
I'm a light radiating,
covered by these personalities
so no one can see.

Blue Period

These poems, circa seventh grade, were written to express my depression. They will, as a result, be quite depressing. They aren't even poems. They're just weird stuff.